Anyone that knows me knows that I am HARDLY in a position to be shelling out financial advice. But a big part of the reason I have this blog, and write as Single Mom Smarts, is to help others learn from my mishaps. So I did a story for OC Moms at the OC Register–all about how to save for your kids’ college as a single parent. It’s not impossible. Read more.

This divorce has taught me a lot, most importantly, how to not be such a wimp. Read my latest for OC Moms.

Who knew that my “99 Problems” post would turn out to be so problematic? This last week was the busiest my little ol’ blog has been in a long time. My seemingly harmless post (about music choices in the car) apparently sparked a firestorm. A reader, who I don’t know, left some pretty accusatory remarks about my decision to leave my husband.

Even though the comments were from a woman I don’t know, who doesn’t know me, it made me feel a little like Fozzie Bear when his audience would hurl tomatoes at him on stage. Her accusations simply weren’t true–they were just squishy, messy distractions.

I didn’t just “throw my family away.” But sometimes it takes a stranger telling you are a “failure” to make you even more resolute.

Like I mentioned in my comment to this certain reader, I am totally open to dissenting opinions–I truly believe that this blog SHOULD be a conversation. And that’s why I put myself out there. I just ask my readers to keep an open mind. What’s right for me and my girls might not be what’s right for you. And therein lies the beauty of it all–I get to call the shots in my own life.

Nobody knows what happened in my marriage except me and him. Divorce is a big freakin’ deal I am not taking lightly.

The amazing part of all of this was how quickly my friends (and readers, too) came to my defense. So many jumped right in to stick up for me including my Tri Delta sisters and former CSULB classmates, previous roommates and coworkers, fellow members of the BLOGfia, moms I know, Facebook friends, my boss–and even a few dudes.

I know I mention it often, but I really do have an AMAZING village of people holding me (and my girls) up right now. There has been, and will continue to be, an outpouring of support from those who know me best, and still love me IN SPITE of it. No matter what.

In every experience there’s an important lesson. The lesson here is that I can take a hit and keep going. And, regardless of the fact that she called my writing passion-less, I will continue to share my experiences here on this website.

So go ahead, hide behind a keyboard and pelt tomatoes at me. It’s going to take a lot more than some random woman (from an IP address in Santa Ana, of course, I looked) to get the best of me. Bring it.

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Times are really tough right now.  As a newly single mom juggling toddlers, a full-time job and rebuilding my life from scratch—life has never been harder or more complicated.

People tell me all the time how strong they think I am. They want to know how I am coping so well, and how the heck I found the balls to just walk away and start over. I always say the same thing. I have to. Non-functioning is a non-option.

I have TONS of things (and people) that help me get through the day. My short list includes my faith, family and close friends. It really does take a village and my village is freakin’ awesome.

But I’ve learned (the hard way) that I need specific strategies to help the minute-to-minute functioning. Tactics I can employ at the drop of the hat to ward off the chaos. I need a plan to get rid of the constant lump in my throat and pit in my stomach.

So the next time someone asks, “How do you do it?” I am going to just tell the truth. There is one specific person almost entirely responsible for my current (I’ll admit fleeting) sanity: Jay Z.

But let me back up.

For years, I’ve been a closeted car-cryer. My sister Kelly is the same way. Put an even remotely emotional song on while I’m in the car and I well up. Seriously, for some reason, in the car, I am Old Faithful. The weird thing is that I don’t cry much outside the car.  It’s like somehow every sad song—and even the happy ones—seem to directly apply to my life while I am driving. I can’t help it. Just go ahead and cue the waterworks.

These days, any song about love, children, love lost, potential love, falling in love, secret love, forgiveness, breaking up, weddings, dads and daughters, moms and daughters, holidays, puppies, birds, and ANY country music makes me instantly teary.

So I came up with a new plan. I now listen, almost exclusively, to Jay Z when I am in the car. It’s impossible to listen to Big Pimpin’ or Dirt off Your Shoulder and feel lonely. I triple-dog-dare you to listen to Empire State of Mind or Can I Get A…and not dance.

Go ahead. I’ll wait.

At least now I have 99 Problems but crying at stoplights ain’t one.

In fact, I am looking to add to my TEAR-FREE playlist. What’s music pulls you out of a slump?

I know, I know, the silence is deafening. It’s killing me too.

But due to some, shall we say “stuff,” I had to make an executive decision to take a mini writing break. Or to at least scale WAY back. I am sharing this with you so if I disappear from blogdom for a bit or my infrequent posts start to REALLY suck, you’ll know what’s up.

I recently made a very grown-up decision. This wasn’t an overnight decision and in fact, it’s been a really long time coming. And that’s about as much as I can say. But for now, I am absolutely making a decision that’s in the best interest of my girls. I have no doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing. But that doesn’t make it any less complicated.  

I’ve been advised not to write publicly about what I am going through. Since, apparently, it can (and the way things have been going WILL) be used against me. And maybe I will write anyway, for my own sanity, and post it in 100 years or when the dust settles. Whichever comes first.  

Here’s the rub–my whole website is based mostly on observational humor and the absurdities of everyday life. And right now, certain absurdities are off limits.

I know that MOST of my readers are also close friends, or my mom. Hi mom. I also know that you love and support me no matter what, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

Trust me, we’ll be in touch.

For those of you working moms with infants at home: Always check your hair for dried spit-up patches before leaving the house. I realized once that I had a crusty patch in my hair while at work during a meeting, in a room full of physicians.

Don’t assume that your toddler will respond to your “mean mommy” voice or stare.  Abby just laughs. Apparently that look takes years of shaming to perfect.

If  baby has an ultra mega diaper poo-splosion and it’s everywhere, I’ve learned that it’s easier to just cut the onsie off with scissors (paramedics style) and toss it. Otherwise, baby ends up with a poo-smeared face and that’s a different problem altogether. Remember to cut down, AWAY from baby’s face.  That last part isn’t something I learned the hard way, it’s just good ol’ common sense.

Be cautious about converting a crib to a toddler bed. It somehow makes bedtime optional.

If you still have gag gifts and inappropriate toys left over from your bachelorette party FIVE years ago, just throw them away. Don’t save them in the hopes that another bride-to-be might just want a fallic sippy cup straw. Otherwise, your crafty toddler may get into the stash (hidden deep in your closet) while her daddy is supposed to be “watching” her.

She might then run out into the living room with something VERY embarrassing in her hands–while you IN-LAWS are over for dinner.